


Fading Firefly

by Vadwriter



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: KuroTsuki Week, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:20:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27671941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vadwriter/pseuds/Vadwriter
Summary: Dear Kuroo-san,It all started on that training camp during my first year. You shouldn't have called me to practice with you. I shouldn't have fallen for you. I bet you're reading this at the exact time I wanted this letter to be delivered to you. I'm sorry that I only had the courage to tell you what I feel through this poorly written letter. You must have been shocked to hear the news and probably blaming yourself. I wrote this hoping I could erase the guilt you're feeling. It's no one's fault but mine. It was my choice, please don't cry.Sincerely,Tsukishima, Kei
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Fading Firefly

The _Italic_ words are flashbacks

* * *

"Hey! Hey! Hey! Tsukki!" Bokuto's loud voice echoed throughout the gym that made it impossible for Tsukishima to ignore the owl captain's existence. He approached them slowly and quickly locked gazes with hazel eyes, he was the first one to turn away knowing that if he looked at him for a little more, he'll start to palpitate. 

"What is it, Bokuto-san?" He politely said, almost rushing to get away even five feet apart from where he's standing. 

"Play another match with us again!" The spiky white-grey haired exclaimed, pointing his right hand that holds a volleyball infront of him. He was about to refuse only for Kuroo to chime in, holding his shoulders in place that made him stiffen. 

"C'mon, don't be such a party-pooper" 

The blonde hands became cold immediately. He wondered how such a man can make his heart race so much, he can't breathe whenever they're around him.   
Tsukishima couldn't do anything but nod.

Seems like cat got his tongue. 

________________________

_Golden brown eyes sparkled as he watches from the television all the models on a runaway show. The good looking are always the one that got picked._

_'skinny and beautiful.'_

_The little boy's mind was poisoned on what he thinks he should look like to be chosen and accepted by people and up until high-school it haunted him._

_Kei finally became a second year however, that also meant that his past teammates graduated. He won't deny it, he kinda miss the familiar faces._

"Kenma-san is too pretty for a boy" lev exclaimed as he watched the blonde setter, making Kei focused his attention on the crowd of Nekoma players, particularly on one blonde. Kenma grew his hair and always put it up in a ponytail. The first years agreed, in awe of the third year player's beauty. 

"Kuroo-san already have him so you little ones don't have a chance" Taketora yelled making his poor underclassmen stiffen. 

"Yes sir!" They answered in unison. 

Tsukishima couldn't argue with what they said and only turned his heels away to get some fresh air outside the gym. 

"The past third years will be visiting this year's training camp" 

"I'm gonna get Bokuto-san's autograph!" He heard the other players said as he walks out but paid no mind because he already knows about it but what he didn't expect was when he returned on the gym and seeing Kuroo's arms latched around Kenma's small stature. 

' _Love sucks_ ' he thought

____________________

"Kenma can't come" Kuroo said, his voiced laced with obvious disappointment. 

"Can't blame him, being a youtuber and a CEO of his own company can be hectic" Akaashi shrugged. 

"We can't go to Bro, we have a date" Bokuto apologetically looked at his bestfriend who seemed to understand the situation. He was about to throw the ticket when Kei spoke. 

"I'll go with you... If that's fine?" Kuroo's mood lightened

"Of course!" He enthusiastically replied, making Tsukishima's ear redden. 

********

"Come on brooo. Just two nights! That's it! I really need someone to come with me" Kuroo begged Bokuto but he was shaken off. 

"Lemme guess, Kenma can't go?" Yaku questioned while raising a brow. Kuroo only replied with a 'hmph!' and turned towards his bro with a pleading look. 

"Can't bro. I have a game and I need to practice" Kuroo looked dejected as he slumped on his chair. Tsukishima eyed him and finished his drink before facing the rooster head. 

"I'll go" 

After two days, the two met a the strain station. Kuroo immediately noticed the dark bags under the megane's eyes but Kei shrugged it off saying he just couldn't sleep. Kuroo wasn't aware that he finished his works worth of three days just to accompany him. 

'Tsukishima Kei, why are you so selfless when it comes to Kuroo?' He asked himself. 

___________________

  
Tsukishima's eyes are focused on the ball, already done calculating the opponent's next move. Everything happened so fast and the only thing that brought him back in reality was the referee's whistle. 

His teammates quickly ran up to him and tackled him on the floor. He scored the last point that made them win the game. His gaze searched abruptly for a familiar figure in the audiences but even the silhouette of that person was nowhere to be seen. 

Everyone packed up and he was left inside the locker room. Fishing his phone from his bag, he checks if there were any messages he haven't read and there was one. 

From: **Kuroo-san**  
To: **Tsukishima**  
I'm sorry I couldn't come. I had to pick up Kenma. I promise to make it up with you next time!   
**Delivered 11:27 AM**

He hang his head low and waited for his heart to calm down. He tried so hard to not let the thoughts cloud his mind but they still won. Running to the toilet, he purged all the food he has eaten this morning. Not stopping until he felt hollow and his stomach completely emptied. 

Wiping the vomit from the side of his mouth, he stared towards nothing and stayed like that for a moment. He went outside the sport's hall as if nothing happened, nodding whenever people called for him. 

When he finally arrived inside his home, his reflection on the tv felt like it was mocking him. 

"Not good enough" echoes inside his head repeatedly. He hated himself for making a big deal out of simple things. He tried convincing himself that it was alright, it was fine that Kuroo couldn't attend his game. Kenma will always be his first priority no matter what happens. They're boyfriends after all. 

'Boyfriends huh..' He whispered for only the wind to hear. 

_"Kuroo-san... I really like you" he confessed, making it sound nonchalantly to avoid making it obvious that he's about to burst from the anxiety._

_The other male looked at him, wide-eyed and with a slightly parted lips. There was a long pause and Tsukishima already knew what was gonna happen._

_"Tsuki--" he cut him off with a laugh_

_"I was just joking, Kuroo-san!" He closed his eyes and smiled. He stands up and patted the dust on his shorts._

_"Oh-uh, I thought you were serious for a second" Kuroo nervously laughed_

_"Why would I be, hmm?"_

_"You know that I love kenma, but you were just joking right?" Tsukishima heard his heart broke from the words that slipped out of the person he pines for but he still keep his close-eyed smile._

_"I'm very much aware. Well, then, Kuroo-san. I'll be going now since we have to meet up with Akaashi-san and Bokuto-san later" the black-haired man nodded and silently watched the the blonde's figure disappear._

_Tsukishima never showed up that night._

A week passed and everyone tried to reach out for him but whenever they visit his apartment all the lights are turned off and no one was home. 

"Oh!!" Bokuto yelled, pointing behind Kuroo. The two males turned their heads and saw a Tsukishima's figure walking inside the cafe. 

"Tsuki!" Bokuto immediately ran up towards his kouhai and embraced him. 

"Where have you been?!" 

"Bokuto-san, keep your voice down and also, you made us worried sick, Kei" Akaashi put a hand on Kei's cheek to examine him. 

"I just needed a getaway. Work was stressing me for a while now" he explained and he looked ahead to see Kuroo already staring at him. He looked like he wanted to approach him but couldn't, so he smiled towards his past teacher. 

"How are you, Kuroo-san?" 

*************  
"So you went abroad for two weeks? You should have told us" they were on their way home, just the two of them. Akaashi and Bokuto parted ways with them since their house was on the other way. The cold wind softly caresses Kei's skin, making him shiver slightly. It's finally spring and the colors of the trees are illuminated with the light from the lamps that hang on the branches. 

"You've become thin" Kuroo voiced out making Tsukishima tugged his sweater down. 

"I was exercising and I accidentally got addicted to it" he said while looking up at the stars in the night sky. 

"Can I hold your hand?" Tsukishima said, refusing to look at Kuroo. 

"Please?" He softly said, and Kuroo complied. Feeling like his friend needed it. 

"Why are you doing this?" Kuroo questioned, something felt off. He can feel it. 

"I'm just afraid that you'll disappear" Tsukishima entwined his fingers on Kuroo's rough ones. It felt so nice, like it's a perfect fit. 

"What do you mean? I'm the one who's afraid that you'll suddenly leave and be nowhere to be found" Kuroo scowled, thumb brushing the back of Kei's hand that almost made the blonde stopped his breathing. 

"I won't be going anywhere, I'll always be here" he smiled and looked up at the spring's night sky. 

"They're beautiful, aren't they?" Kei glanced at him, admiring the perfect side profile that he have and how his bedhead is still the same from they were in high-school. 

"Yes they are" that was the last words they spoke and silence followed between the two of them until they finally parted ways. 

Kei knew there were a lot of unspoken words within the two of them, they wanted to speak but it seemed like there is a wall separating the two of them and until the end, they were unable to break it down. 

_____________________

"Have you heard about it? Kenma is finally getting married! They said Kuroo-san accepted the proposal yesterday!" Tsukishima couldn't help but eavesdropped. Hinata was jumping up and down from excitement while sharing the big news to his past teammates. 

There was a lump inside his throat and he can't even swallow the food he was eating, his lost his appetite. Putting down his chopsticks, he excused himself to go outside. 

No one was aware of what he felt towards the past Nekoma player, or that's what he thought. He was always good at hiding what he truly felt to the point that the people think he's just around for the saltiness and making fun of people. 

Kei was more than that, that's just his coping mechanism to avoid getting hurt. He bit his lip to stop his tears from flowing. 

"Tsukki?" Yamaguchi's voice startled him and he wiped his tears as fast as he could. 

"Do you wanna go home? I already told the others" Yama's soft smile caught him off guard. His bestfriend put his arms around him, patting his back softly. 

"Do you really think you could hide everything from me?" Tadashi hummed and tightened his embrace on Tsukishima, making the taller male rest his weight on him. He felt the hot tears wetting his jacket but Yama didn't cared. All he wanted was for his best friend to let out the pain that he's been hiding. 

"Am I not good enough?" He wailed, clutching tightly on the freckled boy's jacket. He's too weak to even hold himself up. 

"You're very strong, Tsuki. Don't ever forget that. nothing else matters, you're good enough for me" Yama wanted to cry but he remained strong, letting Tsukishima break down as he acts as his pillar. 

___________________

  
The marriage broke off the internet. The famous Kozume Kenma and his soon to be Husband, Kuroo Tetsurou. It was the headline on every article Tsukishima came across to. 

"Tsuki, are you feeling well?" 

"A bit, my insides still hurt but I can deal with it" he turned off his phone and placed it on the table. 

Tadashi narrowed his eyes at him, not believing his words. 

"Aren't you gonna tell me what's really happening? The doctors won't even tell me and all they that it's confidential" He said and sat beside the hospital bed that Kei's currently laying on. 

"It's my last wish. The doctors respect that" he smiled

"Don't scare me like that, Tsukki? What do you mean last wish?" He refused to answer and turned his attention towards the flowing white curtain. 

"You should go now. You still have work. My brother will be here soon" he said, still not looking at his best friend. 

"Are you sure? I really don't wanna leave you alone" he can hear the concern on Yama's voice and it took all ounce of him not to break down. 

"Yes, and I want to have alone time with myself" he mumbled

"I see. I'll be visiting you again tomorrow. Take care of yourself" Tsukishima waited for the door to closed before he let out his whimpers. Hardly clutching his stomach in hopes to lessen the immense pain he was feeling. He let out a cry after minutes of breathing heavily to calm himself and nurses barge inside the room, holding him down as he creams in pain. 

It was a good thing that Yamaguchi was already outside the hospital. Kei can't let anyone he loves see him in this situation. 

_"I told you to stop purging because it ruins your enamel but I didn't told you to stop eating" his acquaintance, who is also his doctor shook his head._

_"It's the only time I don't feel guilty." He answered truthfully._

_"You know that this can kill you if you continue this, right?"_

_"You already told me that a hundred times"_

_"Is this your final decision?"_

_Kei nodded his head without hesitation._

_"I want rest, doctor" he smiled as tears rolled down his cheek._

_"I'm already in so much pain, please let me get euthanized"_

____________________

The room was cold and Yamaguchi needed to open the curtains to let some light in. His former teammates and Tsukishima's friends helped with the sorting and cleaning up of his belongings but there are still some photos and documents that he needed to get. He scanned the room, before they got here yesterday, everything was put in boxes already. Like Kei already planned everything. 

His eyes caught the box under the bed and his name was written on it. He opened it and cried. 

"I'm sorry Yamaguchi. You've been the best friend I could ever had. I'm sorry I had to make you go through all of this. You probably know now what was my situation. I only have one thing I want you to do" 

Yamaguchi drove his way towards Kuroo's residence. He waited patiently for Kuroo to come outside and when he finally saw him, he waved. 

"My last errand for Tsukki" he handed Kuroo the letter and the man immediately opened it. 

**_Dear Kuroo-san,_ **

**_It all started on that training camp during my first year. You shouldn't have called me to practice with you. I shouldn't have fallen for you. I bet you're reading this at the exact time I wanted this letter to be delivered to you. I'm sorry that I only had the courage to tell you what I feel through this poorly written letter. You must have been shocked to hear the news and probably blaming yourself. I wrote this hoping I could erase the guilt you're feeling. It's no one's fault but mine. It was my choice, please don't cry._ **

**_Sincerely,_ **   
**_Tsukishima, Kei_ **

"I really thought there is a chance for the both you. Remember that time when we were at the training camp? You always look at him and turns away when he he looks your way. The way you instantly glow when Tsukki's with you. I always thought it was very cliche but tell me, Kuroo-san. Have you never loved Tsukishima?" 

"I-uh--" Kuroo couldn't form any coherent words and Yamaguchi smiled. 

"Please don't try to ran away again, Kuroo-san" he said then left. 

_"Kuroo-san... I really like you" Kuroo's eyes widened. His heart quicken and cold Sweat ran down his temple. He can't believe his crush is confessing to him._

  
_"Tsuki--" the blonde cut him off with a laugh_

_"I was just joking, Kuroo-san!" Kuroo felt disappointment. He thought it was the truth._

_"Oh-uh, I thought you were serious for a second" Kuroo nervously laughed_

_"Why would I be, hmm?"_

_"You know that I love kenma, but you were just joking right?" He used as an alibi to escape the embaraasment._

_Kei stand up and he wanted to ran after him but he decided not to. He just watched his figure disappear from his vision and tugging his hair out of frustration._

  
Kuroo faced the stone where Tsukishima's name was encrypted. Placing the boquet of white anemone that Kei mentioned before that it was his favorite flower. 

"Kei. I'm sorry for being an idiot until the end. I'm sorry for running away and hiding what I really felt. We're just the same aren't we? Guess we're both idiots. I'm still with Kenma and we decided to adopt, he agreed to name the kid after you. How does Hotaru sounds? I read the whole letter and I promised to not let the same thing happen again. Are you resting now?" The wind caressed his cheeks, making him smile. 

"I'll take that as a yes."

"I'll be going now, goodbye Tsukishima" he whispered, hoping Kei would hear it. He turned away only stop on his tracks when he heard a familiar voice. 

_"Goodbye Kuroo"_

He didn't know if it was his imagination of some sort but he chuckled. 

"I love you, Kei."


End file.
